Nobody Tells Us What Happens When We: “Grow.”
Growth is discussed when we talk about our gardens in Spring, our puppies 4-6 months into their lives, or our children in comparison to the doorframes. It is the word we use for our bank accounts and stocks, our relationships as they improve, or our inner most self as we learn to let go of the small things. Also the word I use when I get wildly impressed that I need to cut my toenails again.
When we are children we cannot WAIT to grow up; when we are aging, we longingly know we cannot go back. Both just as heartbreaking and healing.
What we don’t talk about is the consequences to personal growth.
Yes, you read that right. The consequences to being a better you. We attach the concept of “being in trouble” with consequences or a negative connotation. When in reality, consequence is a word we use to talk about cause and effect. Consequences are: There is something that happens when something else happens.
In regards to healing, people often don’t know the age or time to sit someone down and explain the pros and cons and neutrals to them personal growth and development. And how could they?
Kids (Under 12): where their chicken nuggets will override the golden nugget of truth.
Teens (13-17): where we want them to build their own identity and independence yet tell them what they need to do or that they ought to know.
Young Adults (18-30): where we are doing much of the same except scolding them for not having their shit together on our time clocks when they’re already beating themselves up for not doing or being “more.”
People’s healing journeys are so individual, it can be difficult to sit someone down and discuss the reality of existing in human skin and developing into a person you want to be or are meant to be. Especially when most of us are still figuring it out ourselves.
So: I am going to do my best to tell you a few realities of “Growth.” In exchange, all I ask is an internal commitment you stick it out to the end. Because I always leave the best for last, even when I eat my dinners or desserts.
It can feel lonely. You begin to surround yourself with other people that see you. Not just spend time with you or are fun (i.e., but there are lots of those!) but you focus on people who SEE you. And even if you know they are there, because as you age the numbers appear to get smaller for most of us, we seem to revert back to our childhood self where having LESS friends = lonely. There is a difference between feeling lonely and being alone. No one tells us that either. Feeling lonely doesn’t feel so good.
It can be lonely. The more that you focus on self-care, finding balance with your relationships, and set healthy boundaries? You realize some people don’t like that or aren’t ready for it. They’ll leave or you’ll choose to leave. You will lose people and relationships. Even if they are toxic, no longer serve you or them, and it’s the right thing? it still doesn’t feel good some days.
It is HARD work. Whether people grow and develop through experience, people, therapy or medically, spiritually, or related. It takes time and effort. It it isn’t one therapy appointment for 45 minutes every two weeks. It isn’t one tarot reading. It isn’t one walk on the beach or leaving someone. It’s constant. Therefore, we don’t talk a lot about exhaustion. Growing can be really tiring. (And annoying some days)
People can be and some will be hard on you. They will try to be the expert of your life and development. They will have a lot to say and often it’s those who are not doing the work themselves. And honestly? Some will even try to sell you things for their own benefit when they know you value growth. Never buy or do something unless you feel ready.
Be ready to ask the questions of yourself that you hate answering. I’ll leave that one there. Do the ego work, because NO one else can do it for you but you.
Now the best for last:
It is worth it. Even if it takes time which can be frustrating because we want relief immediately (who wouldn’t?). It always ends up making sense. You will find it is worth it because you are worth it. Self-worth doesn’t feel so much of a task when you grow. You lose sight once and awhile, yet there is a standard belief you have worth.
Anxiety goes down. You know those annoying, intrusive, self-deprecating thoughts? Yeah: WAY less. And if you need help with it, there is help out there for all parts of your body and mind. Even if it takes a little while to get an intake or to find the money to do it: you do it. And it helps. Committing to your growth becomes easier to do as you expose yourself to it.
People figure it out. They’re not perfect. We are not perfect. Humans are incredible and incredibly dense creatures. Yet we are predictable in one way: evolution. We have a drive to evolve. There is comfort in that fact that it may take days, month, years. But my best advice from my mom’s dad, my grandfather: “People always figure it out, Annie. You have to trust that.”
You get to watch the circus and laugh instead of cry. You get to watch the silly things humans do and you find yourself laughing rather then crying or getting angry (i.e., not applicable to safety issues or personal rights). But the SMALL things, you just watch the merry-go-round and do a couple head shakes paired with chuckles. I sometimes say, “Damn humans… you silly wabbits. Tricks are for kids.”
Gratitude. You sit with it. Much more. And it’s easier to be content. Easier to take it in. Easier to prioritize. Gratitude becomes a staple because anything I have felt, written, experienced, or read about growth is you learn to slow the fuck down. And be grateful for what you have.
Yet the key is you have to keep growing and at your own pace. Growth and healing is more about humility than anything. And I am humbled to share these little thoughts with you today.
But now? I am starving and have burgers on the grill during the first sunny, warm day we had in months here in Wisconsin. I’ll catch you soon.
Until next time:
Evolve and heal on, my friends. Any way you know how.
Anne
