Being an AAMFT Approved Supervisor is like…
Being an AAMFT Approved Supervisor is like…
You are reminded the reasons you went into this field. It is like coming back to your favorite place in your hometown growing up. Where all the memories are stored. There’s an immediate empathy of, “I remember what that felt like.” And it’s comforting. You have an opportunity to share after a decade or more of this work your steps. They come to you in their most vulnerable emotional states, including wanting to walk away or quit. There’s not suggestion, there’s no power and control, there’s no telling them what to do. You work with them as they build their own identity and find their path. Just like in couples therapy we don’t hold a bias if people stay together or not; we focus on improving their relationship. In supervision? Improving it with themselves.
You don’t tell them what to do, you guide. It is like teaching someone to cook becomes so much more special than making someone dinner. You spend some time teaching them about the recipe, the ingredients, the most important things you cannot replace (i.e., ethics, safety etc.) yet the beauty of cooking is you get to adjust some things to make it your own. Therapy is an art form and your own voice is essential in sustaining this work. You aren’t creating little minions. You are watching them explore and thrive in their own voice and style.
You learn deeply that you are not alone. You’re the mentor or coach when you’re a teenager and they feel no one understands them; but you do. You hold the space and realize that’s the most powerful tool. They come in with, “How did I make it through today without crying?” Then the crying ensues and you keep holding the space. You become deeply comfortable with silence and redefining comfort.
You recognize being “strong” doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It means you teach them where to find it, you help look, and create a map with them. Things are ever-evolving and changing. This field is vast now. Being a know-it-all doesn’t mean you’re a good supervisor. What makes a good supervisor is humility and ongoing commitment to self-evolution.
You redefine “leadership.” It becomes a disservice to tell someone, “Do this.” Instead you highlight the important components and provide information (i.e., ethics, regulations, safety) and other things? They have to be able to walk through the field and know where the poison ivy is, when they should lay in the flowers and look at the clouds, they pave their own path, and know when to blow the dandelion pieces to the wind and know there is only so much we can control.
It’s warm and loving. Like the 4th day of vacation. You have allowed yourself permission to relax and take in the surroundings and feel the sun on your skin without thinking, “Oh man, I only have 7 days here,” or, “I only have 3 days left.” You take it in. You begin to let things settle instead of rushing to the next thing. You’re reminded of the beauty of connection.
You see them. You see yourself. The moment in the mirror when you look at yourself and you scan every ounce of yourself and you don’t know whether to cry or smile. Yet you know you’re right where you need to be. It isn’t about perfection but a deep appreciation for process.
Mutual impact. They move you as much as you move them. They change how you are as a supervisor, as a therapist, as a person. Self-of-the-therapist is essential in supervisor. This is a raw, real experience where you are honored to see self-evolution as a human and therapist in action. And they do change from the inside out.
Being an AAMFT Approved Supervisor is an honor. A privilege. It is something to hold in a sacred, high regard. You are holding a space for future therapists to have faith in themselves, mental health recovery, and to not forget the reasons they wanted to do this work in the first place. It is a forever bond.
As it is the last class, final semester, and final year for the Cohort of 2023, I am reminded of something very special:
People need people. We aren’t meant to do this whole life thing alone.
I feel so honored to keep doing this work and so honored to help the next generation of therapists.
Watch out, world. This round is a force.
Evolve and heal on, supervisees. Any way you know how.
And remember? Not goodbye: just see you later.
Anne
